Trusting the map of life

On this full moon, we’re doing something a little different. I felt a strong desire to connect with my sisters and write with you my personal summer soul journey to Bali. I'm humbled in deep reverence for this opportunity to share my story and my hope is that you too will share your experiences over the summer with our community. Sometimes sharing your lessons aloud, allows you to process the profound takeaways and messages that were downloaded along the way, don’t you agree?

With that I begin…
 
With much courage, I followed my heart and stepped into a beautiful adventure to spend several months in Bali with just my two children by my side. Throughout my trip, I came to realize how strong they are as individuals, and how much maternal inner strength I have. I have experienced only a small taste of what single mothers go through, but travelling with my children alone in a foreign land so far away from home has opened my eyes.
 
Before leaving Toronto, I was rattled with fear and couldn’t help think, "what the hell have I done!" I was straight up scared to leave the comfort of home, and to take my kids along for the ride was, indeed, unnerving. I was certain that the culture shock would hit my children the hardest. No video games! No TV! No cell phones! No sugary foods! No going to the fridge to eat whatever and whenever. I was fearful of what the detox would look like for us all.
 
Prior to leaving my kids kept saying, "You don't look so happy that we are going away!" And the more I tried to hide it - the worse it got. There were two occasions while packing that my knees buckled in fear - I only remember this kind of fear living in Colombia and witnessing what violence is.
 
Arriving in Bali was both interesting and challenging. It really landed how far we were from home, and yet I feared allowing my kids to see how I was truly feeling. To illustrate how much I was internalizing my fears, my moon cycle actually recalibrated itself and came 10 days early. It was the icing on the cake on a journey where I often felt tired, emotional and scared. But thankfully, I recognized that it was fear created by my current lifestyle and of course my past, my story.
 
The uncertainty of will I be able to show my kids that life has SO much to offer than just organized programs and sanitized environments? There’s a whole world that I yearn to show my children, just as strongly as my need to wrap my arms around them and protect them from experiencing any of life’s challanges.  
 
While I feel complete gratitude to be able to have given my children this experience, to say this trip was hard on my emotional body would be an understatement. Yet, by far, the rewards far outweighed the negative experiences. As you know if you’ve had the opportunity to visit Bali - she has a way of destroying everything that no longer serves you and time is one of them. 

Time just disappears and you have no choice but to remain present and do whatever you must do in the moment that it is needed. Eating. Sleeping. Moving. You flow with the changing tides.

From the moment, I got off the plane - I felt as a snake shedding off my skin. A sense of love, and mostly gratitude overcome me. Trust was developing despite not knowing what lay ahead.

My emotions stayed raw throughout the visit. I found myself in tears over the small beautiful subtleties of Bali. The bathroom had an open ceiling and garden, and I found myself awakening with amazing ideas with every shower. 

Poignant moments like a flower falling and tapping my shoulder before the water whisked it away moved me to tears from the sheer simple beauty of the moment telling me I was exactly where I needed to be.

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I saw sides of my children I have never seen before - kindness, compassion, leadership and a sense that we have each other’s back as we sleep in a humble, small room. We shared, we decided together how we will spend our money, we discussed what direction to walk towards when we couldn’t read the map clearly. We prayed and practiced mudras, and somehow we were always magically carried to the next adventure.
 
The culture moves slowly in Bali and everything has a way of taking 3 times as long as back home. It made me look at my life in ways I never before realized. That every single experience over my 42 years has been divinely designed to bring me to the woman I am now... this is all I can gift my kids. This is why I came to Bali...to Remember.
 
Witnessing my children experience this adventure and being so far from home with the greatest loves of my life has me humbled beyond words. I never felt such deep gratitude, nor felt so alive and enriched by love…
 
As I came home, my hope is that we carry in our hearts all the experiences and different perspectives learned throughout our time away. I hope that I helped my children learn that life can be trusted - even when no map or plans exist. Our journey has been about healing, healing and more healing.

As we heal we learn to TRUST that we are safe and that all we need will show up in our own divine timing - this dear sister - is the greatest gift I can give my kids as a mother.

Thank you for hearing my story. I would LOVE to hear about your journeys this summer.

What lessons were learned?
What leaps of faith were taken?
Let’s circle and share sisters.

With much love and gratitude,

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